Fear of death or a desire to live…?

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Having just had a life threatening scare in having suffered but survived a pulmonary embolism resulting from a post-operative complication resulting in a DVT in my leg I have been reflecting on the difference between a fear of death and a desire to live.

Having previously always been healthy but suddenly facing the reality of how life truly is a gift given by God each and every moment, I was surprised by the emotional and mental impact of my experience.

I know that I am certain of my salvation and as such have no fear of death which I know is not a termination for a believer like me but rather a transition to eternal life with our mortality being swallowed up with life because we are in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:4).  As DL Moody famously said; “Soon you will read in the newspaper that I am dead. Don’t believe it for a moment. I will be more alive than ever before.” (DL Moody quoted in R.Alcorn, Heaven pp 31).

I know I have believed in Jesus and that Scripture assures such a person that they “will be saved” (Romans 10:9) and more than that also assures me that “our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you (me) to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:8-9).

In addition to this, the Holy Spirit witnesses with my spirit that I am the child of God, and because I am a child of God, I am also a future heir with Christ (Romans 8:14-17).

And yet to be honest, this week’s experience rocked me.  

So why?  I knew I wasn’t afraid of dying, so what was I feeling?  Why was I so emotional?

On reflection, the feeling was not so much fear, but more a fighting even desperate desire within me to live longer on this earth, to be with my wife and family and those I love and a sincere feeling that “the good works God had prepared in advance for me to do” (Ephesians 2:10) were not yet completed.  

I know without a doubt that all the days ordained for me are in my Father’s book (Psalm 139:16), I know that I can’t add one to them!  

Yet in me is a desire to live – to enjoy this life He has given to me with those He has given me, and to serve my Father’s purposes in this life.

Thank you Father God for every breath, may I truly live each day You give for You and for Your glory, Amen.

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